you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
