I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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