My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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