the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
