Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I cut my penus on the lid.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
