your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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