You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
