She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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