Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
