sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
