The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
