I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
