The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
