Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
