You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
