This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
