Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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