i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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