Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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