Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
