i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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