So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
