Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
