apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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