She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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