then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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