i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sext me about skeletons
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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