I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize