Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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