I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
