all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
