...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
