Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Come see our sink grown plant.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
