when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
