The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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