gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
pray to the hookup gods
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
