did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
