wat bout pragnant strippers??
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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