At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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