i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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