her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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