Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
