She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
