Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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