we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
