If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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