that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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