she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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