She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
