what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
