Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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