i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
