We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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