i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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