Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
