I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
