Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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