don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
