Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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