Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
