I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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