good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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