Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
