If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need water and some morals
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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