Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
