The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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