I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You are a genius and a whore.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
