If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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