i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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