can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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