i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
