I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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