two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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