I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The uberlube is also flammable
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
