that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
