God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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